Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
- child safety locks - no match for Z. I was taking a shower the other day and being the wonderful mother I am, I plopped my kid in front of a Veggie Tales episode and told him to sit still. 5 minutes later, this little hand pulls open my shower curtain and says "Hi!". I almost died of shock. When no-one over the age of one is home and you have a child proof lock on your door handle, you really dont expect company in the shower!
- Cleans my house. Really well in fact. He puts all the shoes in the hall closet, he puts the remote control on the TV cabinet, he puts his milk back in the fridge and his clothes in the hamper. I have no idea where he gets this desire to clean from, definiately not from me but I appreciate it.
- spins in circles when he's bored. And then falls on the ground giggling.
- Socks in the utensils drawer - I'm teaching Z to put his clothes away, so when I do laundry I hand him his clothes and he puts them in his drawers. He's figured this out really well, except now whenever I open one of the kitchen drawers, I find random articles of clothing in there. Usually it's a sock.
- When he babbles, it's full sentences and hand movements. And if we ignore him, he will push himself into our line of vision and babble really loud.
- Imitates a monkey - seriously this kid is such a climber. Yesterday he discovered that he could move his little chair into the kitchen, climb on it, use the drawer handles for support and grab stuff of the counter. He's also learned he can crawl onto the ottoman and couches. Nothing is out of reach in our house anymore
- Gets himself ready for going outside - he will hand me his socks, his shoes and his jacket. and if I'm taking too long, he brings me my shoes and then grabs the keys and tries to put them in the door.
- Wears a potty for his hat - he will take the top part of his little potty off and run around the house with it on his head. He also does this with buckets. I feel like perhaps I shouldn't encourage him to run around with things on his head but it's really hilarious.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
For some reason my blog wouldn't let me publish any posts so I had all these posts saved but no way to publish them. But I got around the system by installing the Blogger app on my phone and then i could publish from there! So soon there will be a bunch of old posts up but for the time being I'll just post a picture of my growing little guy:
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
It was my idea…why? I suggested it mostly as a joke when we were thinking of new careers for him – he likes guns so it made sense in my mind. However, I didn’t expect him to be interested. Or to find out that he was considering it but didn’t want to say it because he thought I would freak out. Which I did. But then I stopped and thought about it. Mostly about how hot he would look in the uniform. But I also thought about my feelings on guns (before we got married, I told Mike – my gun loving American that he could never own a gun), on how I hate it when he’s gone more often than he’s home, how I worry needlessly about him getting in a car accident if he’s 10 minutes late so how would I be if he had a higher risk job, but mostly I just thought about how regardless of all that, I think he’ll be a great cop and he would actually enjoy his job.
I do think he would be a great police officer. He is calm, controlled, works well with people, dedicated, physically active and would love a diverse and changing job. I think he would enjoy it. Does that mean I want him to be a cop? Not 100% but I want him to have a job he loves, I want him to wake up and enjoy going to work. I hate watching him go to a job he hates because he wants to provide for us. I could picture him as a cop and I like that picture. I’m not a huge fan of the hours or the time away from us but I also know that EPS has pretty decent hours and I truly do believe that we could make it work. They do 4 days on and 4 days off so you actually do get a significant amount of time together but I’m also not naive enough to think that those 4 days on won’t be extremely difficult, especially if he’s working nights. I also know that cops have one of the highest divorce rates in a profession and I will not let that happen to us which means we are going to have to be intentional and really work on our marriage, a lot more than we do now if I’m being honest. I worry that with me working, it will make it a lot harder for me and for us to see each other. If he’s working weekends, then I’m home alone those days and even if he’s off for 4 days, if it’s during the week, I won’t see him because I’ll be at work. We’ll have evenings but with the little dude, that’s not always quiet or relaxing. The nice thing is that he will make more money and if I really wanted to, we could afford for me to stay home and then when he’s home for those 4 days, I will be there too! So we’ll see. I’ll also have to get used to holidays not being celebrated on the actual day (although bonus – holidays are paid @ triple time!) and Mike missing some of those big moments in our lives but I do believe we will be able to do it. There will be sacrifices but if my husband is able to have a job he loves and be able to provide for our family, I will support him. 100%. I know that if I ever said I can’t handle it, even if he’s been a cop for 20 years, he would quit that day. I know that. And I am comfortable with him going into this because I know that. I have no doubt that Mike would do absolutely anything for our family.
But as much as both Mike & I think this is what he should do, we are waiting. This is not a small decision. It’s more than a career, it’s a lifestyle and we can’t make this decision lightly. So we are working on getting all the documents ready for the application (which is no small feat) and we have to wait for some certificates to come (since Mike is American he has to get some extra documentation) and that will take 6 weeks so we are going to use that time to really pray about this and really make sure this is what God wants us to do as a family. Mike needs to train so he is ready for the physical fitness challenge and again, we are using that time to pray about this. We can’t apply for 6 weeks and I think that is a huge blessing because that gives us time to make sure we are not rushing into this and that we are going into this as informed as possible. We are meeting with a couple from church, he is a cop with EPS, and we want their insights and thoughts about becoming a police family.
And then, in about 6 weeks time, we hand in that 100 page application and start this journey (maybe!). And pray that we will continue to be directed by God and that we will seek his will in our lives.
I think we are going to do this but I know I need to open to the idea that this may not be what we should do, which I think will be hard to hear because I have spent a lot of time praying, researching and struggling to come to terms with the idea and I feel like I am there now and I am excited for Mike so if it ends up not being what we should do, I’m going to be honest – it will be a struggle. But we have been disappointed before and we still continue on and if we are disappointed again, we will continue on. Together.And that’s all that matters.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
going in my life, I think it’s more that I feel like I have nothing worthy of
writing going on. I’m back at work, I love my job, love getting dressed in nice
clothes and having adult conversation every day. I love getting a paycheque and
knowing we do just fine because of the money I make. I love that Z does so well
in his dayhome. But I feel guilty. Should I be so happy that I leave my child
every single day in the care of someone else? Should I be happy that days like
today when Z is grumpy all morning, I’m just happy I’m not the one dealing with
him? Is it wrong that I almost start crying when Z gets so excited to go to the
dayhome each day and I’m happy that he’s happy but I kinda wish he would miss
me more? Our lives are so good right now. I love my job. I love Z’s day home
and I love that I feel energized and ready to handle Z in the evenings and
weekends. I wish I had time to cook more – it’s a little embarrassing to think
about how often we eat Costco hot dogs or frozen pizza simply because I’m
feeling lazy or blah. But beyond the cooking thing, I think we’re doing pretty
So that’s my update. It’s nothing exciting.
And no I’m not pregnant.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
But I know it'll be okay...right? He will still love me and understand that me leaving him with Kirby everyday doesn't mean that i don't love him. It's hard though. I LOVE being with him everyday but I also really am looking forward to going back to work. I'm excited about this job, it seems perfect for me. It's post-secondary, which is really my passion. It sounds busy but interesting. The people seem awesome. I'm so excited. But I got to admit, the excitement is dampered by my fear, my heartache and my struggle with leaving Z. He is my life. I love being there for him day in and day out. I love afternoon cuddles and morning naps and going for walks and being able to just do whatever we want. I love that if Z wants to take 3 naps, he can. If he only wants to take one, we will work with that. If we are feeling like going out to Grandma & Grandpa's, I can just head out there. If my sister needs me to fly to her to help watch her son while she's on bedrest, I can! I'm going to miss being able to just do whatever. But I also know that this year has been a blessing and I need to see it as that, and not view it as something I'm losing, but think of all the bonding and memories I have gained. I can't imagine how hard it would have been for me to have had to go to work when Z was 6 weeks old or 3 months old! I often feel so blessed to live in Canada (minus the weather and the family so far away) and our maternity leave just highlights it for me. So today, I am going to enjoy my son and maybe create some more memories!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
- Baby's first tooth will show up on vacation
- As soon as the camera turns on baby will stop smiling, rolling over ,walking, etc...
- The second you put baby in an adorable outfit, that is the moment he will have a diaper explosion
- The second you wear a new, dry-clean only outfit, that is the moment he will have a diaper/vomit explosion
- When Daddy leaves that is the moment that baby will start to cut his molars
- When you complain that baby doesn't sleep and cries a lot, he will be a perfect angel, sleeping and cooing, in front of anyone you complain to
- He will be a perfect angel in dayhome interviews and then be cutting teeth & on his worst behaviour his first day (and get fired....twice)
- His first steps will be at Grandma & Grandpa's - when Mom isn't around
- The days that we can sleep in, he will wake up at 5:30 and when we need to get up, he won't wake up until 8:30
- The one time that baby needs a bottle way earlier than normal is the one time we won't have a bottle
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Happy First Birthday! I can’t believe my baby is one, my baby is not a baby anymore but a toddler. You are a beautiful, happy and enjoyable child. You make me smile every single day. You have changed so much in a year, it’s amazing the difference. When you were born and placed in my arms, you were so tiny and so breakable. But now, you are this solid, active little boy. You don’t stop moving. You love to crawl all over the house and pull yourself up on everything. You love to smile & giggle. You wave to us and your whole face lights up when you see Daddy come home from work. My whole being rejoices when you say “ma-ma” and I know you want me. You’re first steps were so exciting! There is a part of me that is sad now that you have officially reached toddlerhood because it means you are growing up on me, this year has flown by. But I am so excited to continue watching you grow up and further develop your personality. You are so silly and hilarious to watch. You know when you make us smile and you try so hard to make us laugh. You make silly sounds, you wave, you try to feed us and you have this full body shake that you do when you are really excited. There is nothing quiet, cautious or controlled about you. You are loud, fearless and a little spazzy. :) And that’s why I love you. I can’t wait for this next year as you learn to walk and talk and become a little man!
Happy Birthday Baby! I love you.
I’ll love you forever
I’ll like you for always
As long as I’m living
My baby you’ll be
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
I reconnected with an amazing woman that I knew when I was a teenager; she listened to me, encouraged me and spoke powerful words to me. I wonder if she realizes that a single sentance that she said to me changed my life; I'm going to be overdramatic here and say that her words saved my life. I was telling her my frustration with my Dad and my feelings with our relationship and she told me this "when my early daddy steps out, thats when my heavenly Daddy steps in". That changed my life. That changed and defined my relationship with God. I honestly don't know if I would be following Christ if she hadn't said that to me. I had always struggled with viewing God as a father figure but her words allowed me to view God not the same as an earthly father but instead the Ultimate and Perfect father. It also redefined my relationship with my earthly dad. It made me realize that Dad isn't perfect, he's not God and I don't need to feel as "let down" when he fails because he will fail. And I also failed in my relationship with him. I was not a perfect daughter and he was not a perfect father and thats okay.
And although I look at Mike as being this amazing and perfect Dad to Z, he won't always be perfect. And I hope Z always realizes that God is the Ultimate Daddy and regardless of his emotions and relationship with Mike, God the Daddy will always be there for him.
I hope we can all realize the power of our words and I know that people may not always realize when they say something that forever changes someone else but I think it's important to know it can. My experience was positive but I've also had people say careless things to me that I still remember and are still affected by those words. I want to be like that woman, I want to remembered years later because I positively affected someone and not because I carelessly hurt them.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
- Babies are new at this too - they won't know that you're screwing up
- A little dirt won't hurt them
- Make a list of one thing to do every day that once done, you won't have to do tomorrow. Windows, bathroom, etc.
- Baby can't thrive if Mom isn't thriving, take some time for yourself and don't feel guilty
- Formula isn't the devil
- Leave the baby overnight before they're one - it'll be easier for both of you if that big event is done sooner rather than later
- Sometimes all you can do is laugh
- Swimming is pretty much the miracle cure, it's fun and they take fantastic naps afterwards!
- All you really need is a pack of crackers, some wipes and a diaper.
- It's worth taking the time to put on makeup and real clothes, you'll feel better about yourself and your husband will appreciate the effort
- Bins in every room makes cleaning up way faster!
- In the first 6 weeks, don't worry about spoiling them, sleep habits or really anything. Just enjoy them.
- Don't freak out if they don't do things by the book, no baby ever follows every milestone perfectly
- You are not alone in whatever crazy thing your child has done - getting kicked out of daycare after 3 hours - you're not the first one to have that happen to...I hope...
Thanks to all the fantastic moms in my life! I appreciate you far more than you realize!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Before Z was born, Mike had never held a baby. He had never changed a diaper or even witnessed a diaper change. He had never thought about baby names or how many kids he wanted. He always assumed he would want kids but never really thought about the details; it was just "sometime". Due to a happy oops, that sometime is now. He is a Daddy, and not just a Daddy, he is a wonderful, attentive, loving Daddy. He changes diapers, he blows raspberries, gives baths, he kisses Z goodnight and tells him daily that he is loved. Nothing melts my heart more than seeing Z cuddled up in his daddy's lap listening to a story. Z is loved and that fact will always be known to him. I was head over heels in love with Mike on the day we got married but nothing makes me more attracted to him and more in love with him than watching him play with his son. I knew he would be a great father but I had no idea how great. Thank you Mike. Thank you for being such a great husband and such a wonderful father. We both love you so much and I am so blessed to have you in my life! I love you!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
I had found a new dayhome for Z on the same day that I interviewed for a job that I really wanted. I took Z to the day home on Tuesday for the day and it went really well (no phone calls after 3 hours!) and Laura, the day home lady, said Z did just fine. He took a short nap in the morning so was a little grumpy but then took a 2 hour afternoon nap so she felt that he would settle in just fine. So I picked him up feeling very positive and happy about this dayhome. I was hoping to hear back from the job on Wed or Thurs but by the time I picked Z up from the day home on Thursday (his 2nd day) I hadn't heard anything and no news is rarely good news so I was a little anxious about that. And then I picked up Z....and my week went downhill from there. Laura handed me Z and I asked how the day went and she went "well...." and then went on to tell me that he basically cried all day and she wasn't sure it was going to work out and maybe we would be better in a daycare situation where there are more workers and he will never have to be left alone (apparently he screamed bloody murder everytime she had to leave him alone). She said she was willing to try again next week but she just wasn't sure and 'just in case' she gave me all his stuff back if I didn't want to bring him back. I really felt like she was passive-aggresively firing him. She didn't want to say she wouldn't, probably because she was with an agency and thought that would be frowned upon so she was encouraging me to do the leaving. So I took his stuff but didn't commit to whether or not I would bring him the next week, I just said I would call her either way. So that wasn't fun. Then Friday came and went without me hearing anything from the job which was basically me not getting it. They had said they would make a decision on Wednesday and I knew if I hadn't heard by Friday, it wasn't going to be good news. So at this point, it wasn't a good week.
But Saturday was the start of our vacation - our first ever baby-free weekend! Mom & Dad picked Z up early Sat morning and Mike & I headed to Calgary to see my brother & sister-in-law. We talked the whole drive there about life, day homes, jobs and money. It was great to just have that time to talk and be with each other. We decided that we would pull Z from the day home, obviously she didn't really want him and wasn't really to take the time to acclimate him to the new environment. We also decided that although my maternity leave had just ended, we would be okay for a couple months if I wasn't working. So we decided if I didn't get the job I had interviewed for, I would wait until September to look for full time work. Then Z would be a little older and perhaps will adjust to daycare better. We also discussed Mike potentially changing careers, unfortunately youth ministry hasn't been working out right now and the bank just really isn't what he wants to do long term. He is thinking of going into the trades, it's working with his hands which he would enjoy more and to be honest, it pays a lot better. So we are going to investigate some options in that field, possibly electrician, carpenter or plumber.
So our drive was great, very relaxing and we made a lot of plans for our future. We got to Calgary and had a great time with Brian & Suzanne. On Sunday morning we went to the zoo with them and with Joella and Chris, who I've only seen once in the last year. So that was wonderful and a lot of fun. Sunday afternoon we drive to Canmore and just had a wonderful relaxing time. We went to Banff and went for a hike around Lake Louise and went for a mountain drive (we even saw a bear!). And then I heard from the job - I didn't get it but they said they had a maternity leave position opening up in August that they were wondering if i would be willing to be considered for. Which would be perfect. The timing is great and there is no pressure with a one year position. I had to wonder if i was having a hard time finding a job because I am seen as basically another maternity leave waiting to happen. So this would be great! I will know end of July is I have the job so that gives me 2 months to find a dayhome for Z! So that took a lot of stress off my life.
Such a great vacation. And Z did great with my parents - 3 nights away from me and he barely cried. I missed him SO much but it was so nice to get away and now I feel relaxed and rejuvenated!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Today is your half birthday my dearest son. You have changed so much in these 6 months. Until you were born, I had no idea what unconditional love is. The moment I held you in my arms, I loved you. You were this quiet little baby who looked at me with these deep soulful eyes that seemed to know exactly what was going on. I loved you so much but in comparison to the love I have for you, it was nothing. I remember holding you when you were about 4 weeks old and just crying because of the depth of my love for you. And it just continues to grow. You are absolutely everything to me. I love your eyes, the way they always seem to be taking everything in, I love your little “hero chin” and your chubby cheeks. I love watching you sleep. I love watching you learn new things. In 6 short months you have gone from basically just sleeping constantly to moving constantly. I remember driving home from the hospital with you and thinking, oh my goodness we are in charge of this little baby and being absolutely terrified. However nothing was more exciting to me than being your mother. I loved holding you, nursing you, I even enjoyed changing your diapers. I loved dressing you in these adorable little baby clothes and taking a million pictures of you. Your first smile, your first little giggle (which was this little “heh-heh” that sounded like a fake pity laugh), your first belly laugh. The first time you rolled over (which got me so excited that I scared you!), the first time you rolled from back to belly, the first time you sat on your own, your first meal, your first bath…all these memories happened in just 6 short months and I’m so excited for all the firsts that are coming up! I can’t wait for your first crawl, your first steps and your first words but there is a part of me that will be sad because every new first represents you moving away from babyhood into toddlerhood. But I am so excited for the next 6 months and the rest of your life. I’m so excited to see you grow up and I pray that you will always know how much I love you. Happy Half-Birthday!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I don't think people realize that bottlefeeding can still be a time of connecting with your baby. I think I was so scared to stop nursing because then would Z still love me the same way. Would he still be comforted immediately by me? Would I be any different than Daddy? I know he loves Mike but I also know that Z and I have a special connection, would that be gone when I stopped nursing? No. Nothing changed except I had a happier baby. I am DEFINATELY NOT trying to advocate formula because I truly believe that nothing is better for your baby than breastmilk. It's amazing. I LOVE how God designed our bodies. We have this amazing way to feed our babies that changes as he grows to be exactly what he needs, heck it changes during the day to be exactly what he needs. But I also know that just like I now give him medicine when he's sick and have the health care system to take care of him, there are alternatives to breast milk. Safe ones that will still allow my baby to be healthy and happy. And I think that a lot of people judge me for that. Especially Christians. It's not natural, it's not the way God intended, etc, etc. I've heard it all. And I've told myself that. But you know, I'm sleeping better, Z is sleeping better, I'm handling life better these days and now Mike can even help with feedings which really is huge. And I'm okay with that.
Friday, January 7, 2011
* Disclaimer: I don't mean to offend anyone by calling myself poor because I know that I am not poor, in fact I think we're probably considered middle-class. I am exaggerating and simply looking at ourselves in comparison to family members and the society we live in.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
1. Being handed my beautiful baby boy for the first time
2. Being told "It's a Boy" at the ultrasound
3. Buying our first home
4. Playing a "risky" boardgame
5. Getting our TV for free
6. Getting to see Z and his cousin play together
7. The incredible generosity of the people in our church
8. Watching 2 of my closest friends get married
9. Texting while in labour
10. Watching and rewatching HIMYM
11. Z's first Christmas
12. The first time Z giggled
13. Calgary trip with the girls
14. The Olympics - Go Canada!!!
15. Being able to be a "sassy" pregnant lady
16. Feeling Z's hiccups inside me
17. The look on Mike's face the first time he felt Z move
18. Our "homecation"
19. Edible Arrangements
20. Bringing Z home from the hospital and having this "holy crap we're parents" moment
21. Getting shoes for valentines day
22. Decorating the nursery
23. Girls Night
24. The thrill of that first painful contraction and knowing it was time
25. Long walks around the block with Mike trying to get Z to sleep
26. Seeing J wear a "big brother" T-shirt
27. Taking O & H to West Ed and seeing O stand with a sea lion
28. Watching Mike gently hold our child while he sleeps
29. Flying with Z and having people come up to us to tell us he was the best and quietest baby they had ever flown with
30. Being able to take Z to California to visit his grandparents and great-grandparents
31. Angela's stagette, nothing like the big pregnant woman dancing to Journey
32. Timing contractions at Joella's wedding
33. The first time that Z was crying and crying and then stopped the second I picked him up
34. Celebrating my parents 30th Wedding Anniversary
35. New Friendships
36. Old Friendships staying strong, even with the giant life changes we all went through this year
37. Running our first load of dishes in our first ever dishwasher!
38. Being pregnant at the same time as my sister AND sister-in-law
39. "But Not The Hippopotamus"
40. Being asked to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of two of my favorite people!
41. Coffee at Tim Horton's with my Dad
42. World Cup final...it was a devastating loss but still a fun party
43. Really getting to connect with my sister in law
44. Quietly rocking my newborn baby while he slept in my arms
45. Being able to fly to Regina to spend some time with my sister
46. Painting coasters with Mike at CrankPots
47. Seeing Moulon Rouge
48. Seeing the joy and excitement on J&J's faces when they announced they were pregnant!
49. Seeing the man I love be not only an amazing husband, son, brother and friend but an amazing and incredible father
50. The realization that as hard as it seemed at the time, looking back it was all great memories