Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sometimes I just want to call Mel and invite myself over for coffee...but then I remember that she lives 8 hours away. I've always wished that my sister lived closer but never more so now that we both have children the same age and are both stay at home moms. It's hard, I feel alone and lonely a lot of the time. My friends are fantastic, they are always so willing to come to me because they know I can't go out as often but they aren't there during the long boring days and although they love me & Z, they don't want to talk about teething and diapers and all the laundry I have to do. And the ladies in my Bible Study are great, they are fantastic to talk to about being a mom but I'm just not close to them - I can't talk to them about life. I want mommy friends, like close friends who have kids. Right now I have a bit of both and I feel like I can't relate to either of them. The people I know with kids are close to 10 yrs older than me and none of my close friends are in the same stage of life as me. It's hard. I'm lonely. And my days are boring. Z hates the stroller so it's hard to go for walks with him or go shopping. And we have no money so I really can't do anything that would cost money. So I stay at home and watch TV all day...not the most exciting life. I want my sister. She would understand. She would talk babies with me but also talk about life. She would hang out with me and just be my friend. I miss her.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
So Z got kicked out of his dayhome...after 3 hours. I was so excited about this dayhome. We went to a ton of them, and they were just awful. Most of them could barely speak English and really seemed liked they had no actual interest in the kids. One home had this poor little girl camped out in front of a Punjabi soap opera...not where I want Z to be. Another was so messy that I felt like I would have to give Z extra immunizations to just let him stay there. One had like 10 kids in this tiny little condo. But this one was so good. It was an older Christian lady who had this beautiful, well designed, home within walking distance. She had a great basement area for the kids, separate sleep areas, a nice big fenced in yard..it just seemed perfect. Z seemed to like her, he immediately hugged and kissed her when she saw him. I was so excited, we had decided to put Z in the day home 2 days a week until I went back to work so he would get used to it without it being full time, so I dropped him off yesterday and had all these plans to clean my house and just feel relaxed for a day. I had a nice breakfast, a second cup of coffee and then had all the laundry piled in the living room floor ready to be sorted and folded and all that fun stuff....and then the phone rang. It was Kathleen, at first I thought I must have forgotten something but instead it was her saying that she needed me to come pick Z up...he was too much for her to handle. Apparently he only took a half hour nap (in reality, I was actually just impressed that he slept at all his first day in a new place) so he was tired and grumpy and apparently into everything. He was pulling himself up and crawling all over the place and she was worried he was going to get hurt and she couldn't just follow him around and still keep an eye on the others. I know she just over extended herself and its better that we found out immediately that it wasn't going to work but I'm still so frustrated. 3 hours!! That is definately not enough time to make a decision. What kid is going to be fantastic his first day away from Mom? He's not going to sleep well, thats a given. And he's going to explore a new place so of course he's getting into everything. I do think he would have settled in and be fine if she gave him a chance, but she didn't. Not that I'm bitter about that or anything...not at all.... So now I have to find a new day home for Z, pray I get a job soon but not before I find a day home and pray he doesn't get kicked out of the next one. I definately barely slept last night because I was so stressed. I just cried when Kathleen called me and then called Mike and he came home from work and we just played with Z and tried to remember that we are not in control and all we can do is pray and just trust God that He will provide us with wisdom and direction but not gonna lie, right now, it's hard to trust.